listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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