the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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