sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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