you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize