oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Banned from zoo.
Again?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize