Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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