Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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