So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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