the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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