By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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