the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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