I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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