WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tequila makes me forget i have legs
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize