Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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