I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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