He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize