Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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