I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
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im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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