He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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