M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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