he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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