I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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