k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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