I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize