I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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