Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
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We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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