"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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