just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize