How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize