you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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