omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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