i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize