i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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