'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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