i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize