2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize