He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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