I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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