not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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