apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize