I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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