I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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