I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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