gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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