I am in a vortex of obligation.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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