I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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