White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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