so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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