so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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