You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize