you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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