I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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